This is the eighth episode of the nine-part series, Wu-Tang vs. AI. This is purely fan fiction, so of course, the events, actions and dialogue in this story are completely fictional. Catch up on Episode I, Episode II, Episode III, Episode IV, Episode V, Episode VI and Episode VII.
In the seventh episode, RZA tipped a trusted journalist to the location and time of the battle the Wu-Tang Clan was preparing for against the android army at Fort Tilden on Camp Rockaway Beach in New York.
Method Man and Inspectah Deck stood at Fort Tilden on the eve of war, and Meth connected an episode of his misspent youth to a valuable life lesson: If you’re going to fight, fight for something real.
Meanwhile, Young Dirty Bastard arrived in Italy behind Ghostface Killah and GZA, who made it to their enemy Giorgio De Luca’s secret Italian villa before YDB. Once Ghost and GZA entered the underground part of the villa, they easily took down hordes of androids before realizing too late that it was a trap.
Now, they’re in the clutches of De Luca, who is about to reveal his master plan…
U-God was resolved. He couldn’t feel his backside after sitting on a stone floor for hours, and his brain had become numb to the tasteless food, lukewarm water and mundane daily routine for the past few weeks.
He’d seen his brothers, all right. Day after day, they were taken to an area that looked like an outsized wrestling practice room, with a high, white ceiling and a royal blue mat spanning the floor from wall to wall. U-God was sure the walls themselves were two-way mirrors.
Then, he was forced to spar with Masta Killa, Cappadonna and Raekwon for hours while presumably being watched on the other side of the mirrors. Men in black masks – dressed entirely in ninja garb – oversaw these proceedings with jiu jitsu swords by their sides.
To keep their spirits up, and to sharpen their brothers, the four members of the Wu-Tang Clan had not simply gone through the motions. They used all the Shaolin Kung Fu mastery they’d gained over the decades to let their captors know who they were dealing with.
However, they exercised great control to spar without causing real damage to one another, a feat which seemed to impress the officiants.
The real damage, U-God knew, would be inflicted on their oppressors when the opportunity arose. So, even as U-God was blindfolded with his hands and feet cuffed, as he marched in a single file line with whom he knew to be his brothers behind him, he stayed poised for the slightest opening to break free.
As they were led into a room, U-God jerked his head in irritation at the bright fluorescent lights he saw even through the blindfold. But the gasps he heard melted his irritation and replaced it with simultaneous dread and hope.
Thirty years watching horror movies with those two, and he knew the gasps belonged to GZA and Ghostface Killah.
He was forced to the ground against a smooth wall, and finally his blindfold was removed. Sure enough, when he looked up, he saw his brothers and smiled.
RZA, Inspectah Deck and Method Man stood side by side at Fort Tilden at Camp Rockaway Beach in New York, watching as the first gray streaks of dawn pierced the morning sky.
Their allies, equipped with Algerian firepower, stretched down the shore on either side of them. Behind them, well camouflaged, were The New York Times’ Jonathan Harper and his camera crew.
Seconds stretched into minutes that felt like hours. Deck stood stoically, blinking but never breaking his gaze from the sky. Method Man rubbed his left index finger and thumb against each other like he was massaging an imaginary fidget toy. RZA closed his eyes, breathing rhythmically and enjoying the smell of salt water in the cool morning air.
He inhaled slowly, deeply, pausing to hold his breath before he-
BOOM!
The sound of a sonic boom exploded in the sky as five sleek fighter planes appeared out of the clouds. They shot lasers at the shore, scorching the sand as water violently crashed onto the beach all around the Clansmen and their troops.
Two of the planes lowered to the water and transformed into boats before their very eyes, and androids came spilling out of the sea crafts like American soldiers storming the beach at Normandy.
“50!” RZA shouted.
Curtis Jackson didn’t hesitate. Lloyd Banks and Tony Yayo flanked his sides, and they aimed mounted, .50 caliber rifles at the aircrafts in the sky.
Suddenly, Fort Tilden was like the “Ride of the Valkyries” scene in Apocalypse Now. Deafening gunfire filled the air from both sides of the battle. Androids wielded laser guns strapped to their forearms while holding blast shields in their opposite hands. The Wu-Tang Killa Bees were on a swarm, chucking grenades at the water that blew apart androids still filing out of the sea crafts.
Behind them, still camouflaged, Harper and his news crew were crouched in a state of shock, yet instinctively capturing the crescendo of war on a livestream that had already sounded the alarm of The New York Times and was being witnessed in homes across the world.
50 Cent smashed ‘em and mashed ‘em and let ‘em have it. He kept firing, spitting the steel-toed bars of “What Up Gangsta” in time with his blasts.
“What up, Blood? WHAT?”
Hit.
“What up, Cuz? WHAT?”
Hit.
“What up, Blood? WHAT?”
Pulverizing hit.
“What up, GANGSTAA?”
Killshot.
The plane fell apart in slow motion, flaming bits of the aircraft falling ploddingly into the sea.
“Ayo, Fif’!” Yayo shouted over the gunfire.
“What?” 50 replied.
“I counted, yo!” Yayo yelled. “You took that plane down in nine shots!”
The G-Unit General turned and winked.
The battle began to stretch down the beach as the Killa Bees aimed to strain the android offenses. All who had committed to fight were there. The 1st Black Republic fought fire with fire against flame-throwing androids. The Gunslingas engaged in wild-west-style shootouts with laser-shooting robots. The Ruthless Bastards wrecked the shields of androids and began pummeling them with brass knuckles.
A Killa Bee was engaged in combat with an android by the shore, and backflipped toward the sea to avoid an uppercut. Mid-vault, the Bee was hit with two laser shots to the back by a shoreside robot. He was dead before he hit the water. The first Wu casualty.
Deck blasted cannonballs at the sea crafts, sinking one below the surface and drowning the last straggles of androids still asea. Meth and Redman roamed the beach with machine guns, with Meth barrel-rolling to narrowly avoid lasers as his firepower made androids eat sand.
Divine and Power lay camouflaged by sand as they sniped androids stretching down the beach. And RZA soared through the air, raining down kicks with steel-penetrating spiked boots that turned androids into steel bacon bits.
But android reinforcements rained down hard and fast. For every android they killed, it seemed like two more came screaming out of the sky. Yayo briefly abandoned the rifle to snipe as many as he could.
Eminem, who showed out for 50, reloaded for the G-Unit soldiers while slinging grenades to keep androids at bay.
Meanwhile, Banks brought down a second aircraft with well-placed rifle shots that practically sawed the plane in half.
Amidst it all was Allen Iverson, the real AI, fearlessly crossing up androids to trip them up and slice ‘em apart with a steel-penetrating sword.
Other factions of Killa Bees tried to shoot androids out of the sky, but they relentlessly pelted the beach like a hailstorm. Killa Bees valiantly sacrificed themselves by detonating hand grenades amidst a swarm of oncoming robots, but as the carnage piled up, the Wu troops were slowly pushed back.
The New York Times reporters stayed hidden, while CNN and The Washington Post arrived and set up much farther back from the battle. They were joined by several other media outlets drawn by the stunning footage of a battle with AI at a site that once housed anti-aircraft missiles during the Cold War.
RZA, still tirelessly spiking down robots, had no idea his phone was being blown up by media members and government officials alike.
And so the battle raged, shrapnel flying, lasers pew-pewing, gunshots firing and carnage piling up from casualties on both sides. The Wu Army stood tall but slowly began to lose more and more ground, pushing media members back, too.
Meth and Red were still by the shore, jumping, rolling and soaring as they used every weapon on hand to slice, blast and destroy android after android. Red threw a steel-penetrating dagger at the forehead of an android and leapt forward to pull the dagger out of the robot as soon as it hit the sand. Meth came charging in behind him.
Deck, who’d abandoned the cannon to fire blaster shots at androids, turned and saw it happen in slow motion. Meth was so focused on watching Red’s back that he didn’t see the android until it leapt directly in front of him. The android’s beady red eyes lit up as it gave a spine-chilling smirk.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Deck’s mouth hung open in horror. The android didn’t even drop the detonator. Just held it in his hand until its smirk was eviscerated by the blast.
Meth dove toward the water just a second late. He was hurtled into the sea, the water around him slowly turning red with the flow of his own blood.
“METH!” Deck screamed.
Redman was already in the water, swimming furiously to his friend.
“RZA!” Deck screamed. “METH!”
RZA turned to see Redman swimming toward a floating Meth and Deck sprinting toward the water’s edge. His heart dropped like a stone as his brain caught up to what his eyes were seeing.
50 and Eminem were livid. Covered by Banks and Yayo, they walked Terminator-style through the smoke with assault rifles in their hands, blasting any and every android in their path. They cleared the way for Deck and Red to retrieve Meth and bring him to shore. Divine and Power rolled up in ATVs and they loaded up a motionless Meth, Red, Deck and RZA and zoomed backward to a retreat tent.
They hurried Meth to a medical cot, where nurses and doctors hurried around him.
RZA looked at Power and Divine.
“Go,” he said quietly. “Lead.”
They left without a word. Red stood peering over the shoulder of a doctor, pain shining in his eyes like he was about to cry. RZA put a gentle hand on Red’s shoulder.
“Red,” he said softly. “You gotta move back.”
Red retreated a few steps, his legs trembling. Across the tent, Deck pounded a table and let out a guttural cry.
“ARRGGGHHHH!”
RZA turned.
“Deck,” he said. “Calm down.”
Deck’s eyes flashed, but he caught RZA’s soft gaze and began to slow his breathing.
Suddenly, a sputter. Meth coughed up water as nurses worked to stop his bleeding. Red’s eyes livened with hope as RZA sighed with relief and Deck closed his eyes.
“He’s not out of the woods yet,” a nurse said. “It’s best if you wait outside.”
One by one, they filed out and went into a neighboring tent where RZA had stowed his phone.
“RZA,” Deck said. “That android tried to blow itself up. That’s how Meth got hurt.”
RZA grimaced. Red spoke up.
“Do you think De Luca-”
RZA shook his head.
“If there’s one thing we know about De Luca,” RZA said, “It’s that he wants us alive.”
Comprehension dawned on Deck’s and Red’s faces.
“The androids are deviating,” Deck said.
RZA nodded.
“Ghost said the same thing happened in the rainforest,” he said.
The three of them exchanged dark looks.
“So that means that soon, no one will be able to control them,” Red said.
“We’ll stop that before it happens,” RZA said, and he went to grab his phone from a bag in the corner. He picked it up to see hundreds of messages and missed calls. But he only needed to make one.
“Mr. Diggs,” came the voice on the other end of the phone. “We’ve been trying to reach you.”
“Here now, general,” RZA said.
“What the hell is going on?” asked U.S. General George Thomas Granger III.
RZA chuckled dryly.
“What does it look like, general?” he said.
“Wh-where are they coming from?” the general asked.
“Psychopath named Giorgio De Luca bent on world domination,” RZA said. “There’s no time to explain right now. Is anyone coming to help?”
The silence on the other end of the phone spoke volumes.
“Well- you see, RZA, we discussed matters at the Pentagon, and with the president. We feel- and our allies feel- that without exactly knowing the nature of what we’re dealing with- there’s just not- we’re continuing to deliberate about the best decision to make moving forward.”
More silence.
“At such point we make a decision,” the general continued, “We’ll contact you with-”
Beep-beep-beep.
The general heard the sound of an ended phone call. On the other end of the phone, RZA looked from Red to Deck.
“No one’s coming.”
The minute YDB caught his first glimpse of the modest villa, he knew something was wrong. He felt it more than anything. His journey had gone by in a flash as his mind raced with everything that had brought him to this moment:
Playing with his father as a child. Being consoled by RZA after the funeral. Learning the ways of Shaolin Kung Fu from his uncles Ghost and Rae.
The disappointed look on RZA’s face after he’d meddled with the force field. Being called upon in the kitchen for this journey. Losing grip of Rae in the rainforest.
And escaping the androids so he could be here, now, to save his father’s family.
His family.
It all flashed before his eyes, and for a moment, YDB thought to himself, Is this the end of my life?
The thought vanished as quickly as it came. Suddenly, he was reminded of the eyes of the clouded leopard, and a deep peace washed over him.
Sword still at the ready, he made his way to the front door. He turned the knob, opened the door and stepped inside. Whatever awaited him, he knew he was ready for it.
Down below, Ghost and GZA were cuffed by their hands and feet and forced to the ground next to Rae, U-God, Masta Killa and Cappadonna. De Luca was clearly savoring this moment as he looked from Clansman to Clansman with smug triumph in his eyes.
The brothers exchanged glances of mingled relief and uncertainty, though they let no flicker of fear show in their eyes. Then, they turned back to face De Luca.
“You’re probably wondering why you’re all here,” he said.
“Not this crap,” Ghost muttered.
“Excuse me?” De Luca said.
“We know why we’re here, man,” Ghost said, looking De Luca dead in the eye. “At least, GZA and I do. You lost your mind ‘cause of some childhood trauma and spun out as a record executive. Then you tried to sign us and couldn’t, so you went into hiding.”
This was a revelation to Cap, Rae, Masta Killa and U-God. Astonished, they turned for confirmation, and Ghost and GZA nodded.
De Luca’s eyes widened, but he quickly regained his composure.
“Well, what you don’t know is that, as a tech genius, I-”
“We know, dude,” GZA said. He turned to his brothers. “This guy connected with some shady people and created an army of androids to destroy us and take over the world.”
Rae snorted. Masta Killa was stone-faced. U-God kept a blank face, but his eyes were blazing. And Cap gave De Luca a death stare.
De Luca’s mouth hung open.
“You- you knew all this?” De Luca asked, as much to himself as to them. “But how?”
“The Legend of the All-Seeing Eye told us,” GZA said.
De Luca balled a fist.
“That damn Bob Barker!” he snapped. “I’ll breed my pets if I want to breed my pets!”
Just then, a cat darted out of the shadows and gave a loud shriek, clawing at the door in a vain attempt to escape the room.
“That’s weird, dogg,” Masta Killa said to De Luca. “That’s weird.”
De Luca stewed to himself for a moment. Then, his eyes gleamed with malice.
“There’s one thing you got wrong,” he said. “I’m not trying to destroy you. Contrarily, you’re the most essential part of my plan.”
The Wu members exchanged quizzical looks.
De Luca clapped his hands twice.
“Bring them in,” he said to his henchmen.
The henchmen disappeared through a door, with the cat sprinting after them. De Luca paced back and forth with a gleeful smirk on his face.
Moments later, the henchmen returned with four people. They weren’t cuffed, but they had black hoods over their heads. De Luca moved behind them, and one by one, he took off the hoods.
Several Wu members gasped. Rae glared at De Luca. GZA looked down and shook his head.
Each person raised their head. Only they weren’t people. They were androids. And they bore the resemblance of Masta Killa, U-God, Cappadonna and Raekwon.
“What the-” Cappadonna said.
Rae understood.
“So this is why we were fighting,” he said.
De Luca grinned.
“Goooood,” he said, like Emperor Palpatine. “Now you get it.”
“Tool,” Masta Killa muttered.
De Luca turned to the Cappadonna and Raekwon androids.
“Cap-1, Rae-1, show them what you can do,” he ordered.
The androids took a few steps to the center of the room and bowed to one another. Then, they faced off in a Kung Fu fury of fists, air-kicks and karate chops. They elegantly attacked each other with nunchucks before fiercely engaging in a swordfight. Only when Cap-1 tripped up Rae-1 and held a sword to his neck did Rae-1 yield and the fighting stopped.
The Clansmen had to admit it to themselves: These robots were deadly.
De Luca clapped slowly and heavily.
“Bravo,” he said. “Bra-vo.”
He turned to the Clansmen once more.
“So you see, I’m not out to destroy you,” he said. “You will be here for the rest of your natural lives. By the time you die, I will probably be advanced enough to have cloned you many times over.
“And if not, there will be plenty of androids who can carry on your Shaolin Kung Fu mastery. With an army like this, there will be no stopping me from taking over this cruel, hostile world and bringing common sense and order back into society.”
“You fool,” GZA said. “You think other people’s hostility is what ruined your life? You think being able to control everything will make you feel better?”
De Luca sighed sadly.
“You don’t understand,” he said, once again more to himself than the Wu. “People never understand.”
“I get it,” U-God said, looking De Luca in the eye like he was peering into the windows of his soul. “But it’ll never be enough.”
For the briefest moment, De Luca looked like he came to his own understanding. But a second later, he shook his head like he was shaking off an irksome fly.
“You’re in no position to give me advice,” De Luca said. “I’ve done what no one ever could before in this world. And your foolish friends, who baited my army in New York, will soon know the truth you’ve just discovered.”
De Luca turned to one of his henchmen.
“Have the reinforcements been sent?” he asked.
The henchman nodded.
De Luca’s lips curled into a grotesque smile as he turned to face the Clansmen.
“You’re not wrong, U-God,” he said. “I do know what it’s like to battle myself. But here and now, I’ve won that battle.
“And now, your friends will learn what it’s like to be defeated by their own selves.”
Stay tuned for the grand finale of Wu-Tang vs. AI, dropping next Tuesday!